Monday, September 12, 2011


it's getting harder to live with you

you said you think there are many problems with me. i said what can i do to make you happy. you insisted you were speaking rubbish and dint wanna explain anything.

i know. we are keeping things from each other

i wonder if the problem really lies with me? or isit you?

i dun wanna care about you and i dun wanna live with you; i feel stressed when i talk to you, think carefully about what i say to avoid conflicts and i try alot to be nice

the weirdest thing is i dun even know how i became like this

i hate thinking that way :( i dun wanna think that way

it'd gets tired being fake...but there is nothing i can do except to suck it up and live with it

sucks that there is no way to avoid

OH MY GOD :(((((

somehow this whole experience is turning all ugly...

im questioning the way i deal with problems and emotions...isit becoming worse than before?

and i really hate to admit this: 4 more months to endure before it's over :(

how can i make myself enjoy instead of endure...?

Saturday, January 22, 2011


2010 is a year of regrets.

too many things done wrongly.

really, i just wanna turn back time and make things right....i reallly really want to turn back and live life once again

im so sick and tired of making the wrong decisions......

sick and tired of my life

Thursday, August 19, 2010

the 2nd last week of aug

this is in a seperate post, just so the previous post doesnt get too long haha. lets continue my daily stories!

so monday (16th aug) was taxi survey again. but sri mariamann temple this time. went home to slp after that...woke up and rushed off (notice im always rushing becos i overslept =/) to meet suat, simin and xy for dinner :) i headed over to mps aferthat, it was again dpm teo...who never fails to drop by at my table (which i suspect is bcos i look too young and thus inexperienced with handling cases). anw, i helped this myanmar lady appeal for her PR application, and she gave me this imageturn ten discount percent discount card! in case you dunno, imageturn is one of the shoe shops at far east, they have branches at other areas too. and she works at imageturn. NICE! we adjourned for supper as usual. the next time i go mps might be in a very long time after sch starts >.< will miss the fantastic peeps there!!

tues was (yet another, haha) orien gatheting at minds cafe. games were pretty ok, i liked the last miners game, fun! overall outing wasnt very exciting, but good chill out session lah :)

the next day (wed) i met shuhan for breakfast! we talked and talked and talked. REALLY ENJOYED TALKING TO HER. hahah. realise we have common goals and she understands certain things which is very nice :) cheerup, babe!

aftrn was lunch with xy at kovan. yet another HT session...hope to hang out with her more before she leaves for studies at aust!

at night was FANTASTIC! bcos i finally met up with e spring peeps - eric, shiyun and gerald :D though not everyone was there but it was a good dinner lah :) eric is still as lame and funny HAHA. and shiyun gave loads of good advice when we went for macs aftrthat. they think ive become some party animal -.- cos i told them abt clubbing. HAHAH. but i know i have not lah. im still a very guai kid worh :)

thursday, which is TODAY yep. i met evie, anabel and clara for lunch at ippudo! ippudo is in mandarin gallery (which is VERY attas), and they serve the BEST ramen ive ever tasted! it's better then ajisen, than the jap places at liang court and somerset 313 (which i unfortunately, cannt rmb the names) anw, according to the others, who have tried many ramen places, this is really really goood. SO GO AND EAT THE IPPUDO RAMEN, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED :D

anw i was reading lyon's blog. she's so happy now i feel so happy for her! :D hope she continues to stay so blessed. and i wanna meet my brother-in-law, haha!

hello hello

hello helllo omg i was almost gng to abandon my blog again UNTIL i rmbed i actually had one! hahah. hmmm anw, just an update on the more major events which has happened recently :)

let's see hmmm i'd try to rmb as much as i can.

8th aug - finally met up with tong and dora two of my bestest dance buddies after LIKE SO LONG loll. we went to bishan junction where we ate and talked and walked :)

anw, an extract from dora's blog on that day:

We met at J8 and had lunch at Pastamania! :D haha the place reminded Joce of Joanna (the cheese I think HAHA) :D we talked a lot a lot a lot and though it’s been a long time since we met up, we were still very comfortable with each other :) that was a super nice feeling :) *smiles to self*

Okay so after some aimless walking at J8 we headed down to Plaza Singapura ‘cos Jocepoce was meeting her colleagues there. So Miss Lew and Miss Goh just went to join the fun! :D it was still quite early, so why not right :D haha in the end we took lotsa pictures :) haven’t taken such funny pictures in a long time…

hahah yeah man, sentiments exactly :)

at night was timber with ig and chenghung. i came to learn that the good band i heard previously is called good fellas, and they're really not bad. but this time it wasnt lah. so we just had some drinks, listened to the band for awhile, then zao already...

and so i went ahead to celebrate national day the next, met up with shiguang in the aftrn; we went to play vball at sentosa..WAH TWO PERSON REALLY DAMN HARD. next time must jio qj and cheryl also man! hahah. at night was spent really really nicely tooo. i went back to that huge amazing sound-transmitting structure at marina bay sands which stilll continues to fascinate me even in this 2nd time. wanna go back to play at the structure again! haha.

OG outing at sentosa
met up with the orien peeps- we had a chalet at sentosa. this buunch of pple are really reallly funny and interesting lah. despite me not really being myself when im with them (dun ask why!) and not as crazy as they are, and though there wasnt vball, but i enjoyed the cards and the circle of death, which was omg FREAKING funny! too bad i had to leave early for KL...but anw i was feeling very shag already cos i havent been sleeping well for the past few nights sigh. the most interesting was when andrew and wanting sent me out...hahah. i found myself laughing after i left =D

KL trip!!!
yay KL trip was goood :) with my dearest xiurong and zuxin! :) it was the very first time i sat on a plane without any adult supervision! hahaha. the morning was abit sian though. aquaria wasnt very enjoyable and i knew zx and xr felt my sianness, so paisehhh >.< but then it got better when we started shopping (LOLLL) we went to berjaya times sq, freaking HUGE shopping centre with a great variety of stuffs. had a few good buys. too bad we cudnt shopped longer. and HTHTs with them are alwaysss so good :) later at night we went to this skybar at the hotel. with xr's mum and her colleagues. i was down there hoping there was a dance floor -.- but there wasnt, too bad! haha. i had orange juice cos i thot i had been taking too much alcohol. but zx and xr took majarita (however way you spell it) and mohito (or mojito?) which has a stronger alcoholic taste than those ive tried before o.O so anw! the next morning, zx and xr sent me to KL sentral, where i took the express train and boarded the plane bound to singapore (MYSELF!) lone time on a plane, for the very first time LEHHH...hahah! had a good rest on the plane:)

i arrived in singapore feeling VERY VERY tired and sleep deprived. took an extremely short nap before i rushed off to cityhall to meet marg and ernest to talk abt ep camp. it was SOO embarassing becos marg noticed that i wore my shirt the wrong way and i was like O.O HOW DID THAT FREAKING HAPPENED O.O and i dint even noticed it on the way there?? i must be really tired lah...

i headed off to the yog opening ceremony next, the reason why i came back from KL early >.< anw, some of the impt thoughts which i captured from my experience as a volunteer usher(plus rehearsals and stuff):

1) back stage effort is always one of the most admirable ever. that includes all the performance preparations, invitations, volunteer coordination and blah blah blah. i managed to catch one of the combined rehearsals, i rmbed there was this particular segment MONSTER that i felt was a little childish, in fact not very impressive at all. during one of rehearsals i was stationed at where the eye monsters performers (they belong to the MONSTER segment) are stationed. the kids are stuffed in those hot and stuffy (and likely smelly) costumes. the teachers kept on ensuring that every single detail is okay (which reminded me of my dance days) - safety pins, crutches okay, light bulbs working, feet wear correct size, etc etc....the kids really poor thing. and i realise i (much like other audiences) hadnt gave them the appreciation that they deserved >.< *pangs of guilt* anw the monsters are reallly really cute, i managed to take a few pics with them, and they are officially my IDOLS for the show! HAHA =D

2) communication is really important. so many a times have i observed things not being accurately and efficiently conveyed before we were deployed to our positions that led to confusion and chaos...but they cudnt help it i guess, it's singapore's first time!

3) it's pretty amazing how things always turn out so much differently from the initial plans. when faiz briefed us on dispersal, we prepared ourselves to react to predicted circumstances. the actual situation was just SO MUCH DIFFERENT. ive encountered things changing from planned during my past events but this was the MOST EXTREME ive seen thus far. but well, the most impt thing is to have the flexibility to react swiftly and appropriately and to understand that change, is the only constant. :)

4) our singapore english 真得很丢脸. when i was ushering, i went like "welcome to singapore 2010, this way to the opening ceremony please" with my brightest smiling face man HAHA. then this ang moh was like "is this english?" WTF lah >.< sigh our english is a total mockery =/

5) friends are one of the best things one can meet at any occasion! my i/c, faiz is a really really nice guy to talk to, that i find myself telling him much stuffs. his advice was vrey good also. cool dude from NUS nursing! met another magic enthusiast cum beat boxer cum entertainer who showed us some tricks during our otherwise boring waiting time...and i picked up a trick from him! :) well, really enjoyed talking to strangers (initially) and listening to their short yet interesting stories of what made them who they are today... :)

they were other reflections too, but i guess they're too jumbled up, not so significant...small...yeah anw, things always turn out better than i thought :)

the next day i did taxi survey at centrepoint. finally found time to do it after so long. was pretty boring as usual. in the aftn i decided to drop by project ID,which was held outside NLB, where i met chujie (yay!) and chong tiang, who was in a very cute bear costume HAHA. was quite interesting lah.

omg then at night this SUPER EMBARRASING incident happened =/ i shant elaborate cos im too paiseh to talk about it. but anw, moral of the story is
1) if you think you see someone you know on the streets, it'd be good (maybe basic courtesy) to approach the person and say hi
2) wear my specs next time i go out? (not likely but perhaps i might need to wear them more often?)
3) (note to self) please be more alert the next time, NO MORE sending wrong msgs or do wrong copy pasting -.- it almost costed a frenship last time, thank goodness it dint happen this time =p anw, it reminded me when tommy once sent a sms about ME to ME (who wasnt the intended receiver) -.- and woah, i still rmb what it was about...O.O
4) please THINK properly before you act

well anw, i acted according to my feelings, which sigh, i dunno if it's a good thing or a bad thing =/ well anw, JUST IN CASE, if you're reading this (i hope you knw who you are) im rather apologetic for the misunderstanding,the way i reacted wasnt very appropriate..and...i have so many qns gng thru my mind, yet i really have no answers to them >.< SOMEONE TELL ME TO STOP THINKING SO MUCH AND MOVE ON =D

random quote:


Saturday, August 7, 2010

the very first post

my blog is back! hahah the past contents are GONE but it's the still the same url. sowieso means "whatever" in german. the name of my moelc textbk last time :)

i can't get to sleeep now. because my body clock has gone haywire. sleep late and wake up late and it goes on and on and on....then again i have so many things to do but i just cant seem to start on them ): sighhh

anw,i was reading shuhan's blog (shuhan is this super funky hot babe in my cac camp og hahaha) and in her blog i feel that she sounds very herself, very frank..and while reading her thoughts i realise i could relate them with what she shared with me in person? it's like i know she isnt trying to fake someone she isnt. i like the way she shares stuff with me even though we only knew each other for so short and how i cud tell her things that i dint really tell pple about :) well but anw i thought abt my old blog, it really wasnt quite me at all. i will reaccount stories...but i hide those negative stuff and over express the positiveness till i tink it sounds too positive/nice?? and then being afraid of what others will think. i tink i cared TOO MUCH about what others will think about what i write. i dunno lah. aiyah. omg. now i tink i sound too negative. LOL WHATEVER =p

i have sooo many thoughts going through my mind right now i dunno what to say where to start from. im thinking whether to blog abt my spring experience (which i might take the whole entire day to blog about, or even more) or to just pen random enounters down. or shud i blog abt my cac camp? i can go day by day and then get tired till i decide i can now sleep...hahah. anw was today was so-so. i had yog volunteer training. (im usher for dignataries whoo!) it's suppose to start at 1pm but i freaking woke up at 1 plus -.- becos i slept at 3am the day before -.- i was assigned to ritz carlton, where i met my fellow ritz carlton ushers, faiz (my i/c, who is a rather cool nursing student at nus who signed on with the army) and jacqueline (who is in vj j1 right now. on a side note, i suddenly hav 3 jacquelines in my phone! O.O) we started off rather relaxed, with faiz explaining stuffs to us. we went on to slack (haha) walked off to millenia walk starbucks to chill. me and jac went walking around and discovered cool shops and interesting concepts at millenia walk. it's actually quite a nice place to go, not too crowded, not too boring too :)

shopping with dora on friday was rather fun :) we reallly missed out on each other ALOT after A's. glad that despite this, we're still pretty close lah :) hope to meet up again before you leave for hk! (i hope you're reading this!)

i am listening to jay chou's 《最长的电影》 right now and im starting to like the chorus! O.O haha. i wonder how it feels to freeze your memories? (把记忆洁成冰)i only know this song bcos of orien and how they start singing it just...out of nowhere? k lah i dunno the story, i only know it's an o4 fave, or sth? haha. okay la, nice song :)

i hate the way bad memories keep haunting me and make me feel cui and knowing that things could be much MUCH better than they are right trying to hard to forget...even so, i cant help thinking God is helping me, in every way possible. it's as though it's telling me not to give up yet. becos when you lose sth, you get another???? many a times it feels that way. hope i'd hear good news from michael soon...and get it settled. this mp i have is really angelic! :) there is a reason for everything that happens! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, JOCELYN!!!!

im reviving this blog not just to open up (once again) an extra avenue to pen my thoughts, memories and experiences, but perhaps maybe to share these with others, esp frens around me, what im thinking, and stuff that i might not usually share openly with you guys :) and i wanna learn to express myself in a more "me" way, more "jocelynish", i tink it wont be as happy as my old blog (if anyone even rmbs!!)

i wanna paste my cbox here! but i cant rmb, and dun knw where to paste the's been AGES ): since i last created a blog....)): i want people to come and leave tag lei...will not make my blog public until i know where to paste my cbox! YEAH